relationships and the bedroom

A normal woman LOVES intimacy. It's what she daydreams about. It's what her fantasies are filled with. It's what she wants all the time.

Why then, do so many women avoid, withdraw from, and resist intimacy?

Actually, normal women – women who are emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually healthy – do NOT avoid, withdraw from, or resist intimacy.

They do however, MOVE AWAY from the feeling of being USED.

Women DO withdraw from being an ACCESSORY that's "pulled out" and "used" on an "as-needed" basis.

Women DO resist a man who ignores her and pays no attention to her until he wants something from her.

Bluntly, women avoid being a meaningless, valueless "masturbation hole".

Imagine, if your wife completely ignored you EXCEPT for when she wanted you to pull out your wallet and give her money.

It would quickly become apparent...you would quickly see the link...the connection...when she's nice, when she pays attention to me, she wants money.

You'd soon realize that your wife didn't actually love, respect, appreciate, or admire you, she merely had a need for money from time to time.

How would that make you feel?

Not very good, right?

Well, now you understand how many women feel. They long ago made the connection that when their husband pays attention to them and is nice to them, he wants sex.

They long ago realized that their husband was NOT coming on to them because he actually loved her, found her beautiful, cared about her, admired her, or cherished her. Rather, he was responding and reacting to a physical, genetic urge – much like people are physically made to seek out a drink of water when they get thirsty.

That's why so many men get a "No thanks, not interested" response from their woman. After all, who wants to be the equivalent of a meaningless, generic glass of water with no purpose or value other than to quench HIS physical thirst?

So, what's the solution?

It's not hard...

At the most basic level, intimacy that starts in a NON-sexual setting...intimacy that causes a woman to feel meaningful, valuable, pretty, attractive, special, and wanted...on a regular, on-going basis...that leads to a deep connection...a valuable relationship of mutual worth...and amazing love-making...now THAT is intimacy that a reasonable, rational woman IS interested in.

So, frequently flirt with your woman in a non-sexual setting. With persistent application, you'll find you’re your flirting generally causes her to feel attractive which triggers within her a desire for intimacy.



By: Calle Zorro

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Labels: flirt, intimacy, love, sex, women

The age old question asked by men world wide is "How can I pleasure a woman?"

The worst mistake men make is to fall short with the foreplay! Women like sensual touch, and lots of it. So begin your journey to ultimate female pleasure with erotic massage.

There are various levels of erotic massage for women. An easy full body massage can be a highly sensuous and erotic experience. Using soft, sensuous music, candles and oils to make a chilled environment begin a sensuous massage with the lady lying face down, garments removed, on a massage table or bed.

The temperature of the room should be comfortable and the hands of the giver heated and moist with massage oil.

A lady's skin is fragile and should be treated delicately at every point. Begin the massage by gradually kneading the back, shoulders and neck, paying particular notice to any strain in the neck area. Don't rush, but inhale deeply taking your time to chill and revel in the process.

Your relaxed motions and approach will set the tone and permit the lady to chill and be drawn into your touch. When you start to feel her muscles loosen up and the strain escapes from her body you can begin to work your hands over the buttocks area and down each leg using regular, gliding strokes. This isn't a competition to be won or a job to be finished. Savor each second as though it were the sole one and take this chance to get to know the body you are exploring.

When the time is right, continue on to her feet and ankles.

Make sure each effort will not lose contact with her body. If you want more oil, grab the bottle with one hand while continuing your massaging motion with the other. After she has entirely relaxed from this healing full body sensuous massage you can take her to a higher level and start to enjoy the advantages of an erotic massage. The care of touch is healing and refreshing and an erotic massage can heal her even deeper than a full body massage.

Begin the erotic massage by turning her onto her back. Target your massage once more on her shoulders and neck, continuously heading off to her chest and arms paying particular notice to her breasts and nipples. Be conscious of her arousal, its ebb and flow and work with it.

If she looks like she's enjoying what you do, continue it, if you are feeling her flinch postpone the action and return to doing something that brings a positive response.

Follow the lady's level of excitement rather than leading. Erotic massage does not focus in only 1 spot but sweeps over the complete body while returning again to the erogenous sections. The giver massages the stomach and the pelvis area brushing by the vagina with hardly a touch to move on to the inner thigh. As the girl's sexual energy is shifting into top gear the giver can start to focus more gradually on the lady's sexual center.

An erotic massage can end here or continue on to a yoni or a clit massage. The yoni is a Sanskrit word that suggests a lady's "sacred space". Even though it refers back to the vagina it carries a much wider understanding than that of modern science. The yoni is to be treated with respect and reverence, like a fragile flower.

Yoni massage does not concentrate on orgasm, though it may happen, but rather on pleasure and relaxation. A yoni massage follows nicely on the heals of an erotic massage. The receiver will be most happy with many pillows under her head and back and lifted a little. With knees a touch bent and spread the giver will have snug access to the yoni. Both the giver and the receiver should be relaxed during the massage.

The giver will pour small quantities of oil on the mound above the yoni till it drips down fully covering the outer area of the yoni. He will be able to then start to slowly massage the outer area and outer lips, carefully sliding the thumb and forefinger along their length. The giver will continue this massage into the inner lips, slowly and gradually. If needed this could be followed by a clit massage. The giver must not forget this is the most delicate area of a girl's body with multiple nerve endings. Stay relaxed, targeting the massage not on the objective of orgasm.


The giver should first stroke the clit in a rounded motion, slowly without rushing. Apply only slight pressure as you softly insert your forefinger into the Yoni. Feel and explore the lady's "sacred space" as you run your fingers along her inner walls. Remember the erotic massage for a lady does not have to end in orgasm.

When the time is right for finishing the massage, curl up in each other's arms and luxuriate in the afterglow.

by Maya Silverman
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Labels: clitoris, pleasuring a woman, sensual massage, yoni

You need to create attraction right off the start or you will end up being in the "nice guy" or "just friends category" and there is very little chance that you will be able to get out of it.

I'm sure you seen it all from being cocky and funny, being the bad guy to being self assured and in control of your life. All these ideas are valid, but they don't talk about the one vital ingredient that will either get you rejected or will create immediate attraction.

Women will classify you as a winner or as a loser within a few seconds of first seeing you. She will immediately decide if you are the type of guy that has a chance of getting her into the sack or not.

Do you know what she is basing her decision on?

It's called body language.

Women are naturals at reading body language. They will read a thousand things about you from every little thing you do, from how you smile, stand, and walk.

Within a minute of meeting you she will decide either decide that you are confident, considerate, fun and a good catch or that you have low self esteem, are selfish, boring and a total loser.

Why not take advantage of the fact that she's going to make up her mind about you before you've even opened your mouth?

You can fake body language to a certain point, and at first that's just what you may need to do, but there's a better way.

Become the type of person that women are attracted to in the first place, and let your natural body language speak for itself.

Develop the right personality traits and women will naturally be attracted to you, and you wouldn't need to rely on a bunch of silly tricks and pick up lines that she's seen and heard a thousand times before.

Here's a list of traits that you should start working on.

* Confidence without being arrogant.
* Consideration for others without being a pushover
* Assertive without being bossy
* Respectful and nice without being a wimp.
* Witty and funny without being the class clown.
* Happy
* Healthy. You don't have to ripped, but on the same token you don't want to look like you about to die.
* Energetic. This kind of goes with being healthy.
* Intelligent. This doesn't mean you need a university degree, just that you can carry on an intelligent conversation.
* Neat and clean. Don't be a slob, no matter what you may think it's not attractive.
* Responsible.
* A certain level of financial stability. This shows responsibility.
* Hard to get. You are the prize not her. (careful that you don't turn this into arrogance and disdain for women)

Use what ever means you can to develop as many of these traits as you can, and it will show. You will have no trouble attracting women if you can be the type of man that has at least some of them. They will notice you as soon as you walk into the room.

No amount of tricks or silly lines are going to create attraction. It's your personality and how it shows through your body language that's going to make or break you, so develop the right personality.

by GARY CAINE

Labels: attract women, attraction, body language

When a man is stimulated sexually by a partner he finds it difficult to avoid becoming aroused. Similarly, if a woman's response to penile thrusting (or any other physical stimulation technique) was automatic then women would presumably be unable to avoid becoming aroused whatever their conscious desires. The truth is that women have to learn how to orgasm.

"I only ever orgasm with a partner through oral sex and only if he's really good at it. Lots of my girlfriends claim they come during intercourse but to be honest, I don't believe them. I'm sexually educated and have a high, healthy libido and if I don't have vaginal orgasms, I can't see why they would." (p102 Hot Sex 1998)

If only we could all apply such good common sense to life! We have very few channels for sharing our sexual experiences. Sometimes we assume that others must experience real life quite differently to ourselves even though there is no logical reason why they should. So don't take too much notice of what other people say because bluffers, fakers and sex surveys do not provide reliable sex information.

"Read all the sex surveys you want but you still won't really know what other people do in bed because what people say and what people do are two totally different things." (p275 Hot Sex 1998)

The sexual fantasy view of female sexuality

When I have tried to talk to others about sex (not as a teenager but as a mature woman), I have been shocked by how defensive people can be. I accept that there are women who claim to have easy orgasmic sex from day one and I am very happy for them. But this is not the case for all women.

Don't get me wrong - I would love to believe that couples can enjoy the mutual and easy sexual pleasure portrayed in porn movies and erotic novels. It's just that, for me, reality never matched up and I think it is more useful to work with reality rather than hanker after some impossible-to-achieve fantasy. Sexual ego is harmful if it prevents us from keeping an open mind and being willing to learn from our real-life sexual experiences.

Personally, I have never found the so-called 'G-spot' nor have I experienced multiple orgasms. There are plenty of jokes about nymphomaniacs but I have never met a woman with this condition in real life. Whether these aspects of female sexuality are myths or simply rare occurrences, they undermine any attempt to generalise about the average woman's experience of sex.

My partner joked that he will most likely to die of old age before he gets around to trying all the different suggestions on the web for locating a woman's G-spot! The G-spot may be amazing but if it is so obscure then just how useful is it to the average couple? This search for the holy grail is yet another indication of how many women struggle with orgasm during sex.

As soon as I experienced a lack of sexual arousal during sex with a partner, I suspected that descriptions of women's ability to orgasm easily during sex must be fictitious. So why have women not stood up and said: "But that's ridiculous. My body and brain just do not react like that!"

One obvious reason is personal embarrassment. Another is that, although as heterosexual women our physical responses must be similar, our emotional interpretation of our sexual experiences can be quite different depending on our attitude and our expectations.

Finally we are all, often quite subconsciously, guilty of becoming defensive of our sexual fantasies and sexual egos. Emotionally we want to believe the fantasy because we cannot accept the facts even when they are laid out before us. The concept of 'that's just the way it is - take it or leave it' does not appeal.

Unfortunately, sex information for women is often misleading and advice is often vague because, for the most part, sex experts deal with sexual dysfunction and young people's ignorance of the basic sexual facts. In fact, there is no intentional campaign to disseminate misinformation but simply a lack of understanding in an intensely personal area of our lives.

By Jane Thomas
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Labels: aroused, orgasm, sex, sexual