When first laying eyes upon a woman that you find desirable it may seem an easy thing to simply introduce yourself and begin a normal conversation; however, for many, once presented with the actual pressure of conversation, it become extremely difficult to proceed with right words. Too often either the words you had meant to say seem to have completely left your thought process or the words you do manage to get out are not at all the select ones you had previously chosen. Because a first impression can be so important the pressure of this situation can cause severe, though perhaps temporary, speech impediments that cause the speaker to come off in a bad way.
Overcoming an initial meeting isn't the only situation where becoming a little tongue tied can be a real problem; often second or third meetings can be just as awkward as the first, in some cases more difficult because the pressure to impress seems to have increased.
How does one overcome these lapses or blunders in conversation with a woman that they hope to dazzle? Following a few basic steps both before and during the conversation could help transform your conversational skills from disastrous to spectacular:
Before you speak to the woman: Much of the problem in conversation begins before you even attempt to speak; often before an approach people will spend a few minutes focusing on how not to come across badly rather than being positive. This complete focus on your faults is usually an excellent way to bring them out, while increasing your level of stress at the same time. It is unnecessary to go over a check list of all of the improper or foolish things that you might say; focus instead on positive aspects of your personality and the situation.
What do you have in common?: Where you are: If you spot a woman who you would like to speak with it is most likely at a social event of some kind; immediately you do have those surroundings in common and usually build from there. Whether or not you agree on the music, food, drinks or atmosphere it can be an easy point of discussion to share without having to reveal anything to personal or embarrassing right up front.
Honesty, even if tweaked: Though many people feel that it is necessary to embellish about their preferences or tastes, as not to disagree with a person that they find interesting, many women can tell when you are agreeing just to be agreeable. It is better to thoughtfully disagree with her opinion on a topic and explain why you feel the way that you do then it is to flat out lie. Now when expressing your opinion about any topic with a woman you do not yet know well it is often a good idea to tread lightly, even about subjects you feel strongly about. This method of expressing politely allows for her to feel free in expressing her own opinion and shows her that rather than just blustering about topics for the sake of conversation, you actually think about what you're saying. This style of conversation can result in many different feelings from a woman; openness, confidence, honesty and a tiny bit of trust which can go a long way to gaining her respect. Even if you feel you have to be subtle in how you word your feelings as to not be offensive, this is a great deal more honest than agreeing with an opinion that you secretly do not.
Opening lines: Many people try to select opening lines that will get a positive response and with it, an invitation for more conversation. Hundreds of ridiculous opening lines have been circulating the bar scene for decades with little or no positive result. Even dating match sites online have had their share of common openers that make women roll their eyes and ignore their pursuers. Why then do people so often use these worn out phrases when approaching a pretty woman? Simply because they are nervous and are not sure of which string of words will allow them to remain at her table, stool or chat window and that is precisely why they so often do not work. Using an opening line that is neither creative nor original suggests immediately that not only are you not a very special person, but that you do not find the lady you have chosen to speak with interesting enough to dazzle her. One of the best opening lines and one of the most successful is simply the word hello; this can be followed by an introduction or an observation about your surroundings, but keeping it simple in the beginning is often a wonderful way to start up a conversation without coming on too strongly.
Relax: One of the most important things to remember before you approach any woman is that she might be just as nervous as you are; relax and keep it simple. Meeting people, especially in a romantic capacity, is difficult for most and there's no reason to allow yourself to become too nervous. Showing these signs of anxiety also send out a terrible message to the woman you are speaking with; essentially: I am not good enough for you but I'm going to try to speak with you anyway...please don't reject me? Tossing out characters flaws such as this one before you have even had chance to display your strengths is more often than not a great way to get rejected; so relax and take a breath, she is a person just like you and even if she isn't interested it shouldn't make you feel like less of a person; she doesn't know you.
Once you have successfully moved beyond those first few critical lines and she seems interested in more conversation you might want to keep just a few tips in mind to further her interest:
Balance in conversation: If you completely dominate the conversation in likelihood she will become bored and dismissive; remember to allow her to share with you; on the other hand don't force her to do all the talking or she may find herself thinking later that she knows almost nothing about you. Too much conversation indicates that you are not very interested in her life and personality traits; while too little can send the message that you are not very interesting and probably not worth her time.
Confidence in your voice: Don't be shy when sharing about your life, obviously some topics are too personal too share right away but keeping the conversation on topics that people only use as ice breaks is no way to win her heart. Always keep in mind that confidant and egotistical are not the same thing, there are times to be humble and times to be strong, know these key times in the rhythm of the conversation and you will likely know great success.
Know what you want: Perhaps before you even set foot into the bar, club or chatroom a very important thing to know is what you are looking for in a woman. Don't be afraid to have goals in mind whether they be as simple as a one night stand or as far reaching as marriage and children; surprisingly enough there are probably thousands of women near you who share your goal and will appreciate your candor; don't make the common mistake of thinking you have to play a role in order to gain the interest a woman.
The short version: Keep calm; be confidant (without being an egomaniac); share with her, but don't take over the conversation and be yourself. Following these few simple steps may help better prepare you for you future conversations with those women who you thought you could never speak with and make them wonderful ones.
article source: articlecat.com
You need to create attraction right off the start or you will end up being in the "nice guy" or "just friends category" and there is very little chance that you will be able to get out of it.
