How to Tell Her What You Want in the Bedroom
Everybody has a special little fantasy (or ten) that they would love to try out in the bedroom. For women, expressing their fantasies is often just a matter of getting over their shyness. But for men, getting what you want in the bedroom is often complicated by concerns about your wife or girlfriend's reaction. Can you even ask for what you want without alienating her?
Generally, yes. If you go about it the right way, you can often have your sexiest fantasies fulfilled. The best way to do it? Be slow and careful, and follow some of the tips below.
Give her warning. Have something you always wanted to try? The worst thing you can do is spring it on her at the spur of the moment. Especially if it involves you doing something to her, you've always got to ask first, or risk never getting to try it again.
Gauge the request. When to bring up one of your fantasies has a lot to do with, well, what you want. If what you want is especially kinky, strange, or, uh, invasive, then it's best to talk about it beforehand-- and probably with your clothes on. (Maybe after a bottle of wine or three?) But if what you want is something small that you've simply never tried before (like "can I lightly slap your butt?") you can generally ask during the deed.
Plant the seed. Some men aren't afraid to say just what they want-- they may even advertise it on their internet dating profiles! But others are too nervous to come right out and tell their girl about their dirtiest fantasies. In that case, it's a good idea to start small. Plant the idea of your fantasy in her head; perhaps tell her you had a dream about it or had a friend who tried it. This will get her thinking about it, and give you a good idea of how she might react if you were to ask.
Offer her control. If your bedroom request is something that makes your girl uncomfortable, offer her control of the situation. Make sure she knows she can stop at any time, and if there's a wardrobe or other accessories involved, give her control over choice. It will help her to feel a lot more comfortable with the situation in general. And if she's comfortable, she'll have a lot more fun.
Start with hers. Are you one of those guys who tends to think men are more sexual than women? Then you might be surprised at the things your partner fantasizes about. If you want to see you fantasies fulfilled, you may just want to start off with hers. Ply her with a few glasses of wine and get her to reveal to you what turns her on. After you've given her what she wants, you'll be in a much better position to get what you want.
Don't press too hard. Sometimes the answer to your sexual requests is simply "no." Other times, your girl might be reluctant or a little turned-off by the idea of what you want. Give her time. If you press her too hard for what you want, chances are you will never get it. Let her get comfortable with the idea before you bring it up again. And if she's still reluctant, give her more time. Getting what you want in the bedroom is something you should go about gently. Pressing her too hard is the quickest way to get a real --and very final-- "heck no."
With some women, there's little chance of you seeing your wilder or kinkier fantasies fulfilled. But if your partner is open-minded and easy-going, there's a good chance you can get what you want in the bedroom. All you need to do is learn to ask the right questions in the right way. Good luck, and have fun!
By: Shawn Wilson
